Reflection tool · not a test

Notes for an appointment

Four different things present the same way: I don't want sex. They are an orientation, a change in desire, a medication effect, and a protective response — and they point somewhere different. This won't tell you which one you are. It will help you say what you already know clearly enough that a clinician can be useful about it.

Nothing here is scored, and nothing is saved. Your answers stay in this browser tab and disappear when you close it — nothing is sent anywhere, and no account exists. Copy your note before you go if you want to keep it.

Has this been true as long as you can remember?

Not whether you've always been in relationships — whether the experience itself has a starting point.

If everyone around you were completely at peace with it, would you still want this to be different?

Imagine no partner is disappointed and no one is asking. For your own sake only.

Is it that sex isn't wanted, or that you don't want it to happen to you?

One is an absence — nothing there. The other has a charge to it: dread, bracing, wanting to be elsewhere.

Does your body respond the way it used to?

Arousal, sensation, and orgasm are separate from attraction. They can change independently.

Did anything change around a medication?

Antidepressants, hormonal contraception, and several other medications affect desire and sensation. Starting, stopping, or a dose change all count.

Do you experience romantic attraction?

Romantic and sexual attraction are separate. Either can be present without the other.

Whose idea was it to look into this?

Worth naming plainly. It changes what the conversation is for.

Optional. The thing you'd rather not have to explain twice.

What I'd want to say

Your note builds here as you answer. Nothing is scored — this is your own account, in your own order.

I'm bringing this to think through together. I'm not asking to be diagnosed from a questionnaire.

If you want the longer version

Four Ways to Not Want Sex: Asexuality, Low Desire, Medication, and Aversion Is My Asexuality Trauma? Why the Question Is Wrong in Both Directions Compulsory Sexuality: The Assumption That Makes Asexuality Look Like a Problem