Compulsory Sexuality: The Assumption That Makes Asexuality Look Like a Problem

Compulsory Sexuality: The Assumption That Makes Asexuality Look Like a Problem

He is nineteen and he says he thinks he might be broken.

His lack of interest in sex has never distressed him. He is distressed because his roommates talk constantly about wanting it, because a doctor asked twice whether he was sure, because his mother responded to his coming out with a question about whether something had happened to him at camp, and because a video essay he watched at two in the morning explained that a healthy young man who does not want sex probably has a hormone problem or a porn problem or an avoidance problem.

All of those things are about how the world responded to his sexuality rather than about the sexuality itself. But he has been marinating in the response for three years, and by now the two are difficult to pull apart. He experiences the world's reaction as information about himself.

The presenting problem is that he lives somewhere that has no room for asexuality.

This vignette is a composite. It does not describe any individual client.

In 1980 Adrienne Rich argued that heterosexuality functions as a political institution as well as a preference: something assumed, enforced, and made to appear natural, such that departures from it require justification while conformity requires none.

Compulsory sexuality applies the same analytic move one level up. Prevalence estimates from national probability samples cluster around one percent (Bogaert, 2004; Aicken, Mercer & Cassell, 2013; Bogaert, 2013), with comparable figures from New Zealand, U.S., and Finnish samples (Greaves et al., 2017; Poston & Baumle, 2010; Höglund et al., 2014), which is to say the population in question is not small.

Where compulsory heterosexuality assumes people will desire a particular gender, compulsory sexuality is the assumption that people will desire at all: that sexual attraction is a universal human attribute, that its presence is a sign of health, and that its absence is a deficit awaiting explanation.

Kristina Gupta's work developing the concept for asexuality studies is the standard reference; related arguments run through Ela Przybylo's writing on what she terms sexusociety. The wider turn from pathology to identity is traced in Gressgård (2013), Cerankowski & Milks (2010), and Chasin (2011); Hille (2023) reviews the field to date. Gupta's clinically relevant work is What does asexuality teach us about sexual disinterest? Recommendations for health professionals based on a qualitative study with asexually identified people (2015) and "And now I'm just different, but there's nothing actually wrong with me": Asexual marginalization and resistance (2016).

The structural feature worth holding onto is this: like other hegemonic arrangements, it works mainly by consent rather than coercion. Nobody is compelled to want sex. Instead, the wanting is built into what counts as ordinary, into what medicine screens for, into what stories are about, into what a life is assumed to contain, so that its absence registers as a hole where something should be rather than as a difference.

Through medicine. Low desire has a diagnostic code. High desire does not. And the research does not support the pathologizing reading: asexuality is not classifiable as a dysfunction or paraphilia, and is generally not accompanied by distress about the absence itself. The asymmetry follows from which state is treated as the baseline rather than from a conspiracy. But the effect is that an ace person's ordinary experience is already described in the clinical literature as a disorder, and they must actively resist a categorization that was applied before they walked in.

Through developmental narrative. Adolescence is understood as the period when sexual interest emerges. A young person in whom it does not emerge is read as delayed rather than as having a different trajectory. The framework only has one direction, so anything else becomes lateness.

Through the story form. Narrative convention treats romantic-sexual pairing as the resolution of a life. A character who does not want it is written as damaged, cold, sinister, or awaiting the right person. Ace people grow up without a single available story in which they are the ordinary case.

Through the language of health. This is the most difficult one, because it wears progressive clothing. Sex is healthy. Repression is harmful, and shame is the enemy. All defensible and emancipatory for people who were denied desire they had, and all converted, for the ace person, into a new obligation. If sex is health, then not wanting it is not-health. The liberation framework absorbed compulsory sexuality intact and gave it a better vocabulary.

Through microaggression. The everyday version is well enough documented to have been operationalized. Foster's Asexual Microaggression Scale (2017) measures it as a construct, which is worth knowing when a client is being told their experience is too minor to name.

Through explanation-seeking. The tell is the asymmetry of curiosity. No one asks an allosexual person what happened to them. The demand for an origin story applies in exactly one direction, which reveals it as a request that the person account for a deviation rather than an inquiry.

It matters because it changes the formulation.

An ace client who presents with real distress (shame, isolation, the conviction that they are defective, relationship conflict, exhaustion) invites a formulation in which the asexuality is the problem generating the distress. That is the wrong shape.

The right shape: the friction between the asexuality and an environment structured on the assumption of its absence is generating distress. These formulations lead to different work. The first produces exploration of the orientation. The second produces work on internalized aphobia, on minority stress, on boundary-setting with family and partners, on finding community, and on the ordinary business of living in a world not built for you, which is the same work we would do with any minority stress presentation.

It also reframes the distress criterion in the desire disorders. If distress is required for diagnosis, and the distress is manufactured by the environment, then the diagnosis is measuring the environment and assigning it to the person. That is a category error with a billing code attached.

Compulsory sexuality does not distribute evenly.

Autistic and otherwise disabled people encounter it doubled: presumed non-sexual because of the disability, and presumed incapable of accurately reporting their own orientation. Affirmed for the wrong reasons and disbelieved simultaneously.

Men and masculine-of-center people encounter it fused with hegemonic masculinity, where sexual appetite is constitutive of manhood as well as expected. An ace man is often read as failing at gender rather than as having an orientation, which is why the response he meets is frequently contempt rather than concern.

Women and femme people meet a different edge: a long history in which low desire in women was pathologized and treated as a marital failing. The pharmaceutical interest in female desire disorders has a documented history that is worth knowing about before accepting any framework that treats women's low desire as self-evidently a condition.

Trans and gender-expansive people face it inside gatekept care, where a coherent narrative of sexual desire has historically been part of what one had to produce to be believed. An ace trans person may find that their asexuality is treated as evidence against their gender.

Religious and formerly religious clients navigate a complication: distinguishing an orientation from a suppression trained into them, in a context where both the religious community and the secular one have strong prior commitments about which it must be.

• Ask where the distress lives. Would this bother you if the people around you were fine with it? Nearly always the answer relocates the problem.
• Say the asymmetry out loud. Naming that nobody asks allosexual people to explain themselves is, for many clients, the first time the demand has been visible as a demand rather than as a reasonable question.
• Screen your own sex-positivity. A sex-positive practice that treats sex as a good to be recovered will read ace clients as blocked. Positivity about sex has to include neutrality about not having it, or it is just the old obligation with better manners.
• Do minority stress work, because that is what this is. Community connection, internalized stigma, disclosure decisions, selective outness, the specific grief of not having had a category for yourself. This is well-mapped territory; it simply has to be recognized as the right map.
• Give them the vocabulary. Beyond asexual, gray-asexual, and demisexual there is a working vocabulary (aceflux, akoisexual, fraysexual, lithosexual, apothisexual, cupiosexual, quoisexual) and clients frequently find that one of these describes them precisely where the broader terms did not. The Oxford University LGBTQ+ Society list is compact and well made. The 2016 Ace Community Survey is useful for the same reason: it shows the internal variety.
• Point clients toward community as well as literature. AVEN's general FAQ, its page on asexuality and attitudes toward sex, and the family and friends FAQ are all useful, the last one especially, because clients are frequently doing unpaid educational labor with relatives and a link does some of it for them. The AVEN forums remain the largest ace community online.
• Watch the intake forms. Sexual history sections that assume partnered sexual activity, that ask about "problems" with desire, or that offer no ace option are doing the work of compulsory sexuality before the first session.

Structural analysis can flatten individual variation. If every ace client's distress gets attributed to the system, I will miss the one whose distress is about a relationship they are losing, or a depression, or a trauma they have not raised. The framework is a lens rather than a diagnosis, and a clinician holding it too tightly will explain away particulars that deserve attention.

Not all pathologization is illegitimate. Desire can change in ways people experience as loss and want addressed: after medication, after illness, after childbirth. A framework built to resist medicalization can, applied indiscriminately, deny help to people asking for it. The distinction I would hold is between someone seeking help for their own reasons and someone being brought in for someone else's, but that line is blurrier in a session than in an essay.

The concept has limited empirical operationalization. Compulsory sexuality is a theoretical construct from the humanities, and it is not measured in the way minority stress has been operationalized and validated. I have used it as an explanatory frame because it explains the clinical picture well, and I want to be clear that explanatory fit is not the same as empirical support.

I have not engaged the strongest counterargument. Someone could hold that sexual desire really is a near-universal human drive, that its absence really does warrant clinical curiosity, and that treating it otherwise risks missing endocrine or psychiatric conditions with real consequences. My response is that clinical curiosity about change is warranted while clinical curiosity about lifelong absence in an undistressed person is not, but that is a position rather than a settled matter, and it should be held as one.

On this site

• Lexicon: hover definitions for every term used here
• Topic Index: all articles by subject
• Neurodivergence self-assessment
• Resources

Validated instrument

• Asexuality Identification Scale (AIS-12): Yule, Brotto & Gorzalka (2015), Psychological Assessment, 27, 148–160. Full text hosted by the Brotto Lab, UBC. Not diagnostic; not validated on gray-ace, demisexual, or gender-diverse samples.

Key references

• Brotto & Yule (2017). Asexuality: Sexual Orientation, Paraphilia, Sexual Dysfunction, or None of the Above?
• Brotto, Yule & Gorzalka (2015). Asexuality: An Extreme Variant of Sexual Desire Disorder?
• Bauer et al. (2018). The 2016 Asexual Community Survey Summary Report
• Ace & aro spectrum definitions: Oxford University LGBTQ+ Society

Community and education

• AVEN: What is asexuality?
• AVEN: General FAQ
• AVEN: The Gray Area
• AVEN: Romantic Orientations
• AVEN: Asexual Perspectives, first-person accounts
• AVEN Forums

• Cerankowski, K. J., & Milks, M. (2010). New Orientations: Asexuality and Its Implications for Theory and Practice.
• Gressgård, R. (2013). Asexuality: from pathology to identity and beyond.
• Chasin, C. J. D. (2011). Theoretical issues in the study of asexuality.
• Van Houdenhove, E., Enzlin, P., & Gijs, L. (2017). A Positive Approach Toward Asexuality: Some First Steps, But Still a Long Way to Go.
• Hille, J. J. (2023). Beyond sex: A review of recent literature on asexuality.
• Brotto, L. A., Yule, M., & Gorzalka, B. B. (2015). Asexuality: An Extreme Variant of Sexual Desire Disorder?
• Bogaert, A. F. (2004). Asexuality: prevalence and associated factors in a national probability sample.
• Bogaert, A. F. (2013). The demography of asexuality.
• Aicken, C. R. H., Mercer, C. H., & Cassell, J. A. (2013). Who reports absence of sexual attraction in Britain? Evidence from national probability surveys.
• Greaves, L. M., et al. (2017). Asexual Identity in a New Zealand National Sample: Demographics, Well-Being, and Health.
• Poston, D. L., & Baumle, A. K. (2010). Patterns of Asexuality in the United States.
• Höglund, J., et al. (2014). Finnish Women and Men Who Self-Report No Sexual Attraction in the Past 12 Months.
• Gupta, K. (2015). What does asexuality teach us about sexual disinterest? Recommendations for health professionals based on a qualitative study with asexually identified people. J Sex & Marital Therapy.
• Gupta, K. (2016). "And now I'm just different, but there's nothing actually wrong with me": Asexual marginalization and resistance. J Homosexuality.
• Flanagan, S. K., & Roughley, M. (2023). Why is absent/low sexual desire a mental disorder (except when patients identify as asexual)? Psychology & Sexuality.
• Rich, A. (1980). Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence.

Content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Nothing here creates a therapist–client relationship. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room.

Well wishes. 🙏

Mx. Love C. Dialogos, LMFT · Buddhist Chaplain Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist · AAMFT Clinical Fellow & Approved Supervisor Love Psychotherapy, LLC

© 2026 Love Psychotherapy, LLC. All rights reserved. Love Psychotherapy® is a registered trademark.