Reflection tool · not a test

Is this low desire, or is this me?

Four different things present the same way: I don't want sex. They are an orientation, a change in desire, a medication effect, and a protective response — and they point somewhere different. This tool helps you figure out which one you're describing.

Nothing here is scored, and nothing is saved. Your answers stay in this browser tab and disappear when you close it. Copy your note before you go if you want to keep it.

The four patterns this tool distinguishes:

Orientation

Sexual attraction has always been absent or minimal — not because something changed, but because it was never a prominent part of your experience. This is asexuality or the ace spectrum.

Changed desire

Sexual desire was present before and has decreased — there's a before and an after. This can have many causes: relationship dynamics, stress, hormonal changes, depression, or life circumstances.

Medication effect

A medication change — starting, stopping, or a dose shift — lines up with the change in desire or sensation. Antidepressants, hormonal contraception, and several other medications affect this.

Protective response

There's a charge attached to it — dread, bracing, wanting to be elsewhere. This is different from simple absence. It often has a history, and it points toward something worth understanding.

Timeline

Has this been true as long as you can remember?

Not whether you've always been in relationships — whether the experience itself has a starting point.

If it changed: was there anything happening around that time?

Relationship changes, stress, a new medication, a health change, a significant event. Skip if you answered "as long as I can remember."

The quality of the experience

Is it an absence, or does it have a charge to it?

Absence: nothing there, no strong feeling attached. Charge: dread, tension, bracing, wanting to be somewhere else.

Does your body respond the way it used to?

Arousal, sensation, and orgasm are separate from attraction. They can change independently.

Context and conditions

Does it change depending on who you're with or what the situation is?

Some people find desire is responsive — it shows up in the right context. Others find it's consistently absent regardless of context.

If everyone around you were completely at peace with it, would you still want this to be different?

Imagine no partner is disappointed and no one is asking. For your own sake only.

Medication and physical factors

Did anything change around a medication?

Antidepressants, hormonal contraception, and several other medications affect desire and sensation. Starting, stopping, or a dose change all count.

The bigger picture

Do you experience romantic attraction?

Romantic and sexual attraction are separate. Either can be present without the other.

Whose idea was it to look into this?

Worth naming plainly. It changes what the conversation is for.

Optional. The thing you'd rather not have to explain twice.

What I'd want to say

Your note builds here as you answer. Nothing is scored — this is your own account, in your own order.

I'm bringing this to think through together. I'm not asking to be diagnosed from a questionnaire.

If you want the longer version

Four Ways to Not Want Sex: Asexuality, Low Desire, Medication, and Aversion Is My Asexuality Trauma? Why the Question Is Wrong in Both Directions Autistic and Asexual: When Two Invisible Identities Overlap Notes for an Appointment — if you're preparing to talk to a clinician Ace Spectrum Map — if you want to map your attraction types