Being non-monosexual (liking more than one type of human) has been confusing for a lot of folx in my life. Inherently being queer is going to be and is a minority group in every species that lives in a binary structure. Monosexuals at times, have such a difficult time not thinking in binary structures. It appears it’s the only thing that will make them feel safe.
When I was dating men or someone masculine presenting (secondary sex characteristics), I was another straight girl. Even with my short hair and gender-nonconforming ways.
When I was dating women or someone feminine presenting (secondary sex characteristics), I was just another Lesbian.
I’ve been open about being non-monosexual for a long time. So it wasn’t as if these partners weren’t aware and if contextually appropriate whomever we were around.The most interesting thing happened in a consistent cadence.
Around straights, the interpretation was the following or some variant:
-“You’re really a Lesbian.”
-“You just need to meet a nice man.”
-” I don’t date bisexuals, They’re sluts.”
-“I had that phase.” (This usually was a drunk male gaze-influenced moment. Think Katy Perry song). What you do when you’re drunk/coerced often isn’t a good measure.
Around Lesbians much the same:
-“You’re really straight.”
-“I remember going through that phase before I accepted myself.”
-“I don’t date bisexuals, they can’t be trusted.”
This isn’t even exhaustive. I’m almost 39 at this point and nothing has changed since I was 10 years old.
One thing is clear…
Being in the middle and finding beauty in everyone isn’t popular to many, save for other non-monosexuals or a far off quaint concept that other humans love hearing, but aren’t willing to apply to their lives.
It seems that one of the only things that Gay/Lesbian and Straight humans can agree on is that non-monosexuals often make them feel insecure. This is their issue and internal, which unfortunately gets projected onto the non-monosexual and pathologized.
Life is best lived inside out. Not the other way around.
Have fun out there and accept people at their word. No need to tell them who they are.
Happy Loving!! ❤️❤️🥰